Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
