Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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