I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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