Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
