Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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