i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
