You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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