I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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