Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
