I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
