Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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