My hand turned me down
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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