Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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