"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
