The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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