When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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