I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
