I skipped work to stalk him.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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