I'd wear matching sweaters with you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
