garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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