In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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