You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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