make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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