I heard we made out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.