Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.