She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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