I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
