i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
