Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
