i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
