I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
