ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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