Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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