Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
