the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
