Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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