im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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