I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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