Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
