I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
