Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
