that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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