I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
