I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
