Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
