where am i from again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
