I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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