I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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