It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
