saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
