just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
