Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
