So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
