Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
