So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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