I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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