You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
