were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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