The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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