someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
