At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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