I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
