i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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