Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
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He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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