Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
